Clayland
Okay, this is a joke so don't take this seriously. Clayland is an area of land somewhere near a body of water. Clayland became an officialy independent republic in the year 2009 after 20 years of conflict with the U.N. The country itself is actually located on an island in the western Baltic Sea that is about 600m. in diameter. In the 1980's it was backed by the Soviet Union and Red china to fend off the U.N. backed people of Jeffland who were defeated in 2009 and driven off the island permanently. It's leader Clay Bodnar has been ruler for 30 years after a series of very fair elections. It is also a member of the IAOSN {the International Alliance of Small Nations} which also contains the nation of Sea Land. The Discovery of Clayland Clayland was discovered in 1672 by Prussian traders whose ship had run aground. Other Prussian ships soon landed and the island was colonized by the Prussians and later the Russians and the British for about the next 300 years. The man named Clay Bodnar was said to be present at the time of the Prussian landings, no one is sure where he came from or how he is alive today. Because of the heavy influence of other nations, there are three official languages, German, Russian, and English several other languages including Polish, Lithuanian, Estonian and Finnish. Independence from England The people on the island were grateful to the British for defeating the Nazis but wanted independence from England. The man who had lived on the island for thousands of years stepped forward as leader of the people. This angred the British who then attempted to kill him by feeding him some of their cooking {we all know British food is terrible}. Clay was enraged by this so then, in 1970 a group of Communist guerillas under Clay's command attacked and defeated a British force of 900 under the command of Charles A. Wimbleton. Wimbelton was killed in the retreat and about 600 soldiers escaped from the island. Because of the violent history England still does not like Clayland and would like nothing more than to see Clayland destroyed. Publicity and Holidays See also the Clayclandic Era article See also the Battle of Jeffville article See also Snorkmas party article Clayland was a feature of the former Jeffrey Stephan Variety Hour With Clay Bodnar which called it one of their "Public Access" Bits. It featured the president/dictator Clay Bodnar in a raging war with the evil people of Jeffland, with its ruler, Jeffrey Stephan. In the end, Clayland won the war and suffered only one casualty, their Cameraman. In that same episode, Clayland's ruler, Clay Bodnar sang the country's national anthem with cameraman Alexander Popichak. Clayland is also remembered for supposedly building a secret base on the planet {but not really} of Pluto. Clayland also celebrates a holiday called shnorkmas, with its patron, Shnorkey who is a magical dolphin who escaped from the zoo and landed in a pit of uranium causing it to grow human like vocal cords and gain the ability to fly. Shnorkmas is held every year on the 32 of December in Clayland. During Shnorkmas everyone in Clayland must stop work for exactly 4 hours and go to the Great Cathedral of Shnorkey or other church to hear a reading by Shnorkey. After that, everyone goes out for drinks and has wild crazy parities {Clay Bodnar and Shnorkey included} and after everyone has passed out, Clay and Shnorkey fly around in a Claylandic TU-95 aircraft and drop presents on the people. Population and Shnorkiens The great nation is populated by over 50 million good people. This includes about 10 million Shnorkiens who are dolphins that were taught to speak and walk by Shnorkey, High Bishop of Clayland. The Shnorkiens have the same rights as anyone else and about 2 million of them serve in the millitary. The joint commander of the joint species Claylandic armed forces is a Shnorkien. Some live on land while others have chose to live in underwater cities. The Shnorkiens are vastly intellegent with an average IQ of 144 and the vice president is also a Shnorkien. Any person who is racist agains the Shnorkiens is at the mercy of the Shnorkien High Council of Law. Punishment for this crime is usually to be killed to death by the Shnorkien offended by the person. Public Transportation The nation of Clayland is also a very "green" nation. By this we mean most of the people use public transportation to get to their destinations. Clayland has a wide vairety of means of travel including ferries, busses, subways, and airships. Airships are a common sight in Clayland and they carry about 55% of the population to their intended destonations. Clay has assured that these are very safe and they almost never crash. Secret Pluto Base The nation of Clayland has a top secret base on the planet {well not really} of Pluto. Pluto was claimed by Clayland in 2005 when no one cared about it anymore. Pluto was then renamed Clayworld and colonized by the people of Clayland. On Pluto, the Claylandic Cosmonauts descovered a large cache of very valuable diamonds which they sent back to Clayland to be sold. The name Clayworld is not to be confused with Claylandworldvilletownland which is an amusement park in Clayland. Major Exports The nation of Clayland has several notable exports including guns, bombs, tanks, ammunition, dinosaurs, and other things that go boom. Another popular exports are spies, assasins and mercenaries who can be rented out at a daily rate of $700 {excludes shipping and handling}. On a more agricultural note, Clayland is home to the world's largest potato farm that accounts for 45% of the worlds potato stocks. Thanks to all of these potatoes, Clayland is begining to rival Russia in production of vodka. This is most certainly used at the Shnorkmas Parties. Clayland also sells weapons grade uranium and Pluto diamonds. There are also several large souvenier stands where you can buy commemerative T-shirts, Shnorkey action figures and even a fun-sized cubes of uranium! Clayland has one of the world's fastest growing economies and many people are immigrating to Clayland in the hopes of getting jobs which are always available. Healthcare The nation prides itself in having healthcare for every citizen of Clayland. The doctors are paid by the government with the profits earned by the sale of magic which is highly profitable. Shnorkiens go to the same doctors as humans so that they can feel that they aren't any different from anyone else. Military The Claylandic Armed Forces or CAF consist of 20 million dedicated citizens who wish to preserve their great nations independence. The millitay is highly modernized with most of its equipment coming from the Russian Federation. The standard combat rifle for example is the Russian Ak 74 assault rifle and their standard sniper rifle is the SVD Draganov. The soldiers are on a constant state of alert for invasion and are ready to handle any sort of enemy attack. Special weapons have been developed for the Shnorkiens seving in the millitary so they can use them with their flippers. The CAF is made of of the CNF {Claylandic Naval Force}, the CADC {Claylandic Air Defence Council}, the COFTTAMOD {The Claylandic Organization For The Training And Militarization Of Dinosaurs}, the CSF { Claylandic Special Forces}, the CAC {Claylandic Army Corps}, last but not least the CDFTUOA {The Claylandic Department For The Use Of Anagrams}. Military Anthem March March oh soldiers of Clayland! Onto the lands of the enemy Fight for freedom, fight for Shnorkey! Fight for our great nation Do not waver, do not falter, don't let up at all Fight to the death oh great soldiers of Clayland! For everlasting peace and prosperity! National Anthem Below are the lyrics of the Claylandic national anthem Hail Hail to Clayland '' ''Hail to the grey and red Bow down to Clayland, if you don't you'll soon be dead! So Hail Hail to Clayland Or your pitiful spineless bodies will be crushed under the iron boots of Clayland So Hail Hail Hail! Also, their national phrase is Clayland is the best, become one with Clayland. Category:Joke Articles